Ryan

 

 Oh Ryan. He is my little angel baby. I will always smile and think of him fondly. He was a youngster the first time we spent any time together. We went to go see a concert of a musician my friend Mary was obsessed with. Y’all she legit has a problem. Anyway, there were 4 of us. We had dinner and drinks and went to the show and there is where I found out that he was underage. No biggie. We are all friends. Well later that night we were making out and he told me he was 19!!!! I was thinking at the very least 20 with the hope of him turning 21 within the next few months. Nope. Barely 20. Like had just turned so the week before.  I was 26 and that just seemed sooooo scandalous. So, I made him PROMISE to never tell a soul. We crossed paths occasionally after that but nothing big. Until I started sleeping with his friend. Oh, Ryan was heartbroken. And I secretly hoped he would never find out. When his heart broke, mine did too. By this time, he had moved out of town, so we didn’t see each other often. We came back together a little while later and it just happened. It was everything I hoped it would be. He was young but he was eager and that was wonderful. There was so much sex. Mind blowing sex. So much that I ended up with a Bartholin gland cyst. If you are in ANY way squeamish, I do not suggest googling it! That pretty much ended our relationship. The procedure for that particular issue includes a 6-week recovery period with a drain that hangs out about 6 inches. Uncomfortable to say the least. Years would pass and relationships would come and go (for both of us) and somehow, we would end up back in each other’s lives. There is a connection there that I can’t quite explain. During covid he was intown and we spent a very relaxed night drinking wine ad eating homemade pizza (did I mention that he’s a chef) and talking. In his words, it was like the world just stood still and all there was was us. When we are single, we talk, and we talk about EVERYTHING. There is zero judgement from either of us and we even help each other with relationships and never even think twice about it. Recently he was in town playing a show (in addition to being a chef he is also a talented professional musician). While he was playing, he looked out and saw me. Only me. I could tell by the look he gave me that I might as well have been the only one in the room. Mary even turned to me and said, “well that was adorable” and saw me looking at him the same way. I can’t explain it. My cold dead heart grows 5 sizes when I see him. He is a dummy, and he drives me crazy, but I am always going to love him. Sometimes we think our relationship has grown beyond the sexual phase and is something deeper and more meaningful. But then he starts singing and my heart (and my pants) ache.