Wesley

I was single for a bit and absolutely did not date for a while. Until I met Wes. He was so handsome and so funny, and it just clicked. We had so much fun together. I honestly couldn't imagine my life without him from a very early time in the relationship. He was it. I just knew it. Everyone loved him. I mean literally everyone in my life. But Wes had a dark side. He was tortured. Some things that I learned about his upbringing definitely had a hand in it. He liked to drink. But so did I so there really wasn't a problem. Until the first time he got mad. It was over nothing. He broke things and yelled. He hated my dog. That should've been enough for me right then. Looking back I completely regret making my poor Roscoe live the rest of his days with that man. He was my puppy guy and I beat myself up every day over it. Anyway, Wes and I got married. The drunk anger rarely showed itself. But when it did it always seemed to be in front of people. Looking back I shouldn't have married him but I loved him so much. Honestly I still do but the bad times far outweighed the good. By the end anyway. When I say he is tortured, it is 100% an understatement. His upbringing was toxic. All of those relationship still are. I actually stopped spending holidays with his family because all anyone ever did was fight and I wanted no part of it. And I absolutely didn’t want to bring children into it. My heart breaks thinking about some of the stories of his childhood. No kid deserves that. And the drinking. OMG the drinking.  Once he had one tiny sip of alcohol, something changed in him. It was very obvious. The only time I was ever scared was when I had to call the police. He NEVER hurt me. I cannot stress that enough. NEVER. But I could see it coming and I wasn't going to wait around for that to happen before I left. I can’t tell you how many times I had to escape in the middle of the night with the dogs in tow. He went to rehab after the incident with the police, It didn't work. I have talked to him several times in the years since we divorced. Some of the talks are wonderful. Some of them are the exact reasons I left. I will always love him and at the same time always pity him. He has so much potential. If he could just control that anger. And if he could just put the bottle down, Alcoholism is real guys. And it hurts. Bad. It ruins lives and that is what happened here. I wanted to believe he could change but he honestly just can't. I fully believe that he has no control over that for himself. Or maybe I have to believe that. I could make this story into an entire book itself but I really don't want to relive some it. Especially the time he left me in a hotel in Romania with no money or passports but with 5 pieces of luggage. In the middle of the night. When we had a 5 am flight. On our honeymoon.... 

 

Moving on.....

 

James:

Needless to say, I didn't date for a while. But when I did it was with James. He was unlike any other person I had ever been with. Physically and mentally. I had some health issues while we dated and he was the most supportive partner I had ever had. Truly. I could not have done it without him. But then he decided he had had enough of being supportive and turned into an actual creep/monster/truly disgusting human being. I look back and I honestly have no idea how I got into that relationship.

I am disappointed in myself. And disgusted. WHAT WAS I THINKING?!?!?!?  I blame vodka. It’s part of the reason I don't drink it anymore! I have NEVER made a good decision while drinking vodka!